Why You Should Give More Compliments

Source: Image by Vladimir Buynevich from Pixabay

Have you ever resisted the urge to give a compliment because you figure the other person will take it the wrong way, or hears it all the time? Or maybe you are afraid you are giving someone too many compliments and they will become suspicious of your motives In the arena of genuine flattery, however, assuming it is both authentic and appropriate, when in doubt, let it out.

When Silence Isn't Golden

Giving genuine compliments is a lost art. We form admirable opinions about other people every day but rarely share them. From appearance to effort, to wisdom well-received, we are frequently impressed by other people.

True, a closed mouth gathers no foot, but it also gathers no friends. The fact that a positive observation came to mind so quickly is good evidence it is authentic, and assuming it is also appropriate, research supports the value of sharing.

Tell Me Again

Xuan Zhao and Nicholas Epley (2020) investigated the value of frequent compliments.[i] They begin by recognizing the fact that people underestimate the value of giving compliments, which causes them to give them less often. But it turns out we might be missing out on an opportunity to make someone’s day.

Examined through several experiments, they found that despite participants expecting compliment recipients to react to multiple compliments by viewing them as progressively less positive and sincere, this was not the experience of the recipients. Instead, they found that receiving compliments consistently for one week “did not turn kind words into tired words” in the minds of the receivers. Instead, they responded positively to each new compliment, with no decrease in positive mood as the week progressed. In addition, recipients rated each compliment they received as similarly sincere.

Although Zhao and Epley found that not only did compliment recipients not tire of receiving one compliment every day for a week, they actually found each compliment made the recipient feel, on average, just as positive as the previous one. They do note, however, that their research did not test how people would respond to receiving the exact same compliment repeatedly—although even in that case, they speculated that recipients would remain receptive.

They explain that even the exact same words expressed at different times can convey new meanings in different contexts. They give the example of hearing a spouse say, "you are beautiful" on different days in different settings as a compliment that is unlikely to grow old.

Flattery as a Relational Foundation

Being the type of friend, partner, or coworker unafraid to give compliments can solidify relationships. In a world of interpersonal competition and conflict, both personally and professionally, the voice of genuine appreciation and authentic admiration will be valued, and remembered—fondly.

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